Seeking safety in my third trimester

*I’m so sorry my picture is the first thing ya’ll see! I tried to hide it below the blog post intro and it’s not working for some reason.*

Tomorrow I hit 30 weeks of pregnancy! For some reason, I’ve held on to the belief that somehow and someway if this pregnancy made it to the 30 week mark it would all be a-ok.  It’s my “safe place”.  one fertility hurdle leapt, another thing to cross off my worry list. There is no logic or reason I chose 30 weeks, it just sounds and seems so… safe.

The past 7 1/2 months have been filled with a lot of praying and a lot of bargaining to get me here in one piece emotionally. I still worry, but my worry has shifted. Earlier on in my pregnancy I prayed not to lose him, now I pray that he will be healthy; that he will be physically and emotionally equipped to become whoever he wants to become.

On the day of his birth, the exact moment when the doctors tell me he is healthy,I will finally get to close (or slam) the book of my infertility journey shut. My reality has been that in addition to physically carrying my son for the past 30 weeks, I’ve also carried the emotional baggage of loss, failed IVF cycles, Mother’s Day’s with empty arms, the list goes on and on. I will have a proper cry knowing both he and I are finally safe.

Here’s me and my little guy in all of our 3rd trimester glory!

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12 thoughts on “Seeking safety in my third trimester

  1. i’m happy to hear you’re feeling safe (and you’re looking fantastic too!). when he arrives and you share him with us i know i’ll have a proper cry as well in celebration of this amazing journey you’ve both been on. good luck!

  2. I’m exactly 30 weeks tomorrow (Monday) too! Due March 9th! Do we have the same EDD?!
    You look wonderful–I’m sure you’re enjoying your beautiful bump!
    We both said 30 weeks is our “safety zone”, so it’s exciting to have reached it. But I am not ready for baby! I’m frantically trying to settle my house (we moved 2 months ago & I haven’t had the energy/motivation) and set up the nursery (we have all the furniture, it just needs to be assembled). I’m sure you’re ahead of the game since you’re expecting 2 babes! Right? Hope everything is going smoothly for you! XOXO

    • My due date is March 10th and ive done nothing! Im starting to stress a bit. Im only expecting a baby boy but my adopted daughter just turned 4 months (hence the two babes). Im in major nesting mode. I’ll keep you guys updated. 🙂

      • I didn’t know she was with you already! I thought she was due around the same time as your baby boy! I hesitated to bring baby #2 up in conversation, for fear things hadn’t worked out. Congrats! XOXO

  3. I am so happy to read this update and to know you are feeling a little safer. I know real confidence ibky comes with birth (and is accompanied by a whole new flurry of worries!). You look spectacular even if you feel otherwise (not that looks are what matter at this point).

    • Thank you so much! It’s like my Dr told me at my last visit. “This is just the beginning of worry.” haha He’s like you will worry about him the rest of your life which was actually reassuring to know my worry is just normal or commonplace now. 🙂

  4. Congrats on doing so well! I know how a former loss can seem to suck to joy out of a healthy pregnancy – praying that you’ll be able to focus on all the little things about carrying your LO that you’ve longed for so long. But I should warn you – it’s also time to start praying for his good sleeping habits! LOL

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