“Make your mess your message”. – Robin Roberts
So It’s been months since my last post because I’ve been living my life between positive pregnancy tests. Since May, my husband and I have moved from Los Angeles to Florida, bought a home and have began our bicostal lifestyle of three weeks in Florida and one in California. I am back and plan on regularly chronicling my journey towards a healthy and successful pregnancy.
In July, I watched breast cancer survivor and news anchor Robin Roberts give a moving speech during the 2013 ESPYS that resonated with me. A quote of her’s that has stuck with me since is “make your mess, your message”. It brought tears to my eyes as I realized that I have been fearful to do exactly that. Three pregnancy losses and inching closer to beginning my first round of IVF I rarely, if ever, share my personal journey of infertility. At 32 I have not wanted to make loss my story. I have not wanted to have unexplained infertility define me. In fear of doing either I have decidedly remained mum to most about my experiences.
I have come to realize that my fearful silence is not helping, but only hurting, the wonderful community of women who have been dealt the same cards I have. In my vocal paralysis I am a contributor to the overall lack of awareness and knowledge the general public has about pregnancy loss and infertility. As most women and couples in my situation I have had some downright ignorant things said to me by those who know nothing or very little of my circumstances. I’ve been called selfish for not having children and I’ve been told to not waste my perfect genes and have children already. For those in the know the tried and true “relax”, “take a vacation” and “stop trying so hard” have all been unsolicited pieces of advice ignorantly offered up.
So while you won’t find me shouting from the rooftops that I’ve been unsuccessful in carrying a pregnancy to term, I do plan on being more open about it. Today’s post is my first step. 🙂